I have had my own birth experiences which I will be posting about within my blog. I’ll spare the details, but both were planned home births which ended in non-emergent transfers to the hospital. My first was a cesarean birth and my second was a vaginal birth. My birth experiences led me down a vortex of mental healing and processing as I asked myself “How did this happen? How did this happen… twice?! I felt like I was so prepared and ready. I thought I worked out my fears and doubts? Am I just one of the unfortunate ones whose birth plan goes haywire?”

 

During this work/ healing, I discovered two truths that gave me back my power and allowed me to truly heal from my past experiences & joyfully enter into my third birth where I had the birth I literally dreamed about. 

The first truth is that we must address & heal subconscious beliefs that are not in alignment with our desired outcome. It’s not always enough to just say, “I would like an unmedicated birth at home.” If you still have fear and doubt that has been pushed down and slathered with positive birth stories and reassuring statistics, you’re not being honest with yourself. Our subconscious always leads us to what we truly believe to be best and safest for us- that’s its job. If your subconscious beliefs stem from old unreasonable stories or societal fear-based conditioning, it’s very likely that your birth outcome will reflect your deeply held beliefs, regardless of how deep you have buried them. The cool thing is that we can strategically tackle and expunge skewed beliefs that no longer serve us and what we want. 

 

The second truth is that God gives us freewill to choose to partner with Him in full faith. When we step into the power of knowing that we are partnered with our creator, we stop putting limits on ourselves & walk with a confidence of bold knowing. We can tune into our Holy-Spirit led intuition and actually follow it because we know we are in alignment.

 

The excitement of possibility & the calm confidence that comes when we use our minds to serve us while being in alignment with our intuitive call is unmatched. I took what I learned and formed a powerfully potent birth course that gives you a framework to follow along with a plethora of additional knowledge & resources surrounding birth. As a client of mine, you will have access to the course because birth is an inside job. It’s 90% mental and 10% physical. You hold the power to craft your experience to a large extent. As your doula and mentor, I can help guide you as you do this work. 

 

I feel it’s crucial to know where your birth attendant’s view on birth stems from, because there is no denying that it shapes how and why they serve the way they do. As my mentor Whapio (from The Matrona) brilliantly said, “Do not heal yourself over the body of another woman.” I was greatly humbled by my birth experiences & I have healed myself to the core. My births simply had to happen the way they did because my body had to be in alignment with my deepest subconscious beliefs about safety & my ability. I am not serving other women to somehow heal my own birth experiences through them. I serve women out of a place of humility & offer them the missing pieces necessary to fully step into their power before (not after) their births. I’m happy to meet you where you are, but I assure you that after we dive into the power of your mind & start unveiling the truth that God is our ultimate provider (even our medical provider), you will not be in the same place you were before doing this work. You will be joyfully confident & excited about entering your birth experience. 

 

I often reference the biblical representation of the lion & the lamb. The lion represents unwavering confidence, power, & strength while the lamb simultaneously represents gentle humility. I like to think this is how I serve birthing women. I’m not a radical, fist shaking “natural birth or nothing” doula. However, I am strongly rooted in my conviction that God created women's bodies & birth well. We are capable & it is good. It is not a medical event that needs to be constantly monitored or interfered with in order to unfold safely. MOST of the time it works well if it is left undisturbed by the mothers birth team & the mother has a deep belief that it works. A woman actually doesn’t need anyone present to birth her baby if she chooses not to…because our creator created her to birth. If God felt she needed a slew of outside management and intervention then He would’ve put a medical provider in the garden as Eve birthed. It is simply the means in which human life is brought Earthside. The medicalization of birth is a man-made, fear-based model rooted in lack of true understanding & trust in the design of the human body, mind, & spirit. Some people find that radical in of itself, but for me, it’s a simple truth that grounds my belief system about birth.

 

What it looks like for me to be at your birth: I do not serve women out of a “savior mentality.” I am not pulling one thing after the other out of my “doula trick bag,” recommending constant position changes or coaching you while you push. I believe you already intuitively know how to birth. Every suggestion & word spoken at your birth impacts you as you labor. Words & suggestions shouldn’t be thrown around for no real purpose. I have studied & know specific comfort measures, relaxation techniques, and  position changes based on labor patterns or baby’s position. However…just because I have those tools doesn’t mean they automatically need to be used at every birth. Just like most hospitals do too much too soon, we can also mistakenly bring this same mentality into unmedicated home births all in the name of “natural.” Words are interventions. People are interventions. Touch is an intervention. 

 

Maybe you’re thinking, “Ok, then why would I pay you to be at my birth if you’re saying I can do it myself?”

 

I have found through my own births & through attending others that some birth workers claim they trust the mother to lead in her birth, yet they step into the role of coach during. It is quite rare to find birth workers who truly respect the vast variations of normal in women’s labors and who don't default into making sure labor follows a certain pattern to settle their own insecurities.

My value lies in the prenatal work we do to get you to a place where you confidently believe in your intuition & ability. My value lies in being able to calmly sit at your feet or in the corner, confidently knowing you can do this. I am there as your constant witness. If you start to slip mentally and it’s reflecting in your ability to cope, I can reassure you. If you need a few tricks from the doula bag I can offer that. If you aren’t at a place where you see value in that or you are hoping to have a doula who is going to hold the power to “get you through labor” I am probably not the best fit for you- and that’s ok. I have to hold my ground on what I believe,  which is in the sacredness and purity of truly trusting a woman and her creator to do this dance without unnecessarily interfering with it. Ultimately you and your creator do the birth. I am a witness to that and I hope I am a solid support that reminds you of your capability.

 

What about my partner?

 

I believe your partner holds the most significant charge during a birth. HIs emotional state and biological need to protect & feel responsible for his partner is real & valuable. Men have been pushed to the side & have been about as involved as wallpaper over the last 70 years in the birth space. The mother and father of the baby came together & co-created this soul with God. They will raise, feed, house, teach, and provide for this child. Why on Earth would anyone think the partner should be anything but the MAIN support as his partner brings their baby into the world? As your doula, I do not take the position of your partner. I hold a position of feminine presence with experience in birth who is available to provide reassurance, guidance, & calm while the two of you have your experience. Partners do not need to shift roles & become a doula to support their birthing partner. They need to be the solid man they are for their partner through any intense event. They can be themselves and use their natural instincts to support their woman. Sometimes this looks like him silently standing beside you for 10 hrs straight. Sometimes it’s actively squeezing your hips or rubbing your back. Maybe he’s playing the songs you like or praying over you. Birth is extremely intimate and is one of the most precious times to experience deep trust with your partner. Both of you will be changed with a new attitude towards one another after an experience like this. One where you do this big thing and relied on one another, just like you do throughout all your life experiences. 

 

Taking time to decide. 

 

I think it’s important for both myself & whoever I am serving to feel like we are truly a good fit. Not all doulas are the same & I understand my approach is different than some. I need to stay true to what I believe so I can best serve out of authenticity. As the birthing mother, please consider what you value & what you are looking for in a birth support person & compare it to my approach. I am personally a Jesus follower & I will take a few days post-consult to pray about a decision to move forward as your doula. You owe it to yourself to also take some time to decide. Every person you bring into your birth space will have an impact on your birth- whether that be physically, emotionally or spiritually, so it’s something that should be carefully considered.